i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have aggressive nipples.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
