im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
