Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
