The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
porn star boner night. come get it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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