I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
