after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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