barbara walters just said penis...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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