At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
