At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Please don't give away my fajitas
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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