Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
