I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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