Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
