Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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