ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
