your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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