im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
