So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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