I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
