OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
