I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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