k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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