giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
