I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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