Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
