meet me or not, i'm out of control
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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