My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
