She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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