Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
