I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
