Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
