Sponge bath it is.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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