I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
