im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
