Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
