I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
