u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
