Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
