Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
