I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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