I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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