Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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