The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
