How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
