The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
