put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
