for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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