I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
