if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
