Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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