Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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